23 August 2013, Friday 跌倒了

原来跌倒的代价是我负担不起的...

除了心痛和无奈还有什么...
我只能承认我失败了，
还要继续很坚强的面对接下来的考试，
我一定要熬过....

我...人生中第一个即将会不及格的科目...
奖学金，
再见了...
对不起，爸妈，
我竟然让你们担心，
让你们失望...

应该最难过的关还是
我不能原谅我自己反这样的错吧...
渐渐的不知道我的目标是什么，
失去了方向....

16 March 2013

经历了很多丛朋友变成陌生人，
学会了，
可能交少朋友会比较好吧。

世界上没有真正了解你的朋友，
人类，不是站在你的角度去想，
而是以他们的出发点，
以他们的理解能力，
殊不知人类的理解能力，
也只喜欢听到自己喜欢听的答案
如果不是，
就会又自己的理解能力篇出一个答案。
让自己觉得舒服，罪恶感少一点...
而我...也是人类...

你在乎一段友情，并不代表人家也是，
在乎的分量也不一样。
有人说心若累了，受伤害了，
就把心封闭起来，自己治疗，
我....
相信这一半对的。
因为有可能再也好不起来了...

原来这就是烂好人的结果...
我学到了...
累，心酸，失望，眼泪，
这些就是你的奖赏...

is heavy for me,
really more than i can suffer,
teach me how,
i just dont know what to do
why black can become white?
people ever told me that is is ok to do something that u are comfortable,
but why now i cant,
can just stop it..

回忆总是美好的，我又想起我们以前的时光， 好久没有被人呵护，被人疼，

原来我的舞台上，你出现太多了，到处都有你的影子，

原来独立一点都不好，

伤心，疲乏，开心，失望，

都要自己杠...

disappointed

this is the 1st time i felt that my personal charcteristic been suspected by friend.
lol...ridiculous..

made me feel so disappointed and dnt know what to do..

honestly, cause of this, i cried silently for few days, 

maybe i just treat friendship too important, 

i m just feel tired,

 i wish i can move out as fast as possible,

eventhough i just stay here for about 2 weeks plus,

people doesnt like complicated relationship (well, i mean friendship)

so do i..

sometimes i just feel helpless..

i dont know who should i trust, i just so scare..

what m i going to do..

finally, i just understand what's the feeling of being not trusted and helpless

i...

just...

tired and lost..

do u trust me, anyone?

i started to lost, i dont know what is my real personal characteristics? 

am i a lier?

i dont know whether all i done isit correct or false? 

no one understand me..

Lord, i just tired, 

i just wish there is a shoulder for me to cry out loud,

i just wish there is a person beside me that said' i trust you'

anyone willing to lent me your shoulder? 

i just cant cry in front of people, isnt mean tat i the one who dont care others feeling,

isnt mean that i m the one who always hurt people?

why no people understand and ever think of why m i doing all these?

i just.....

disappointed...

aww, raining comes again..

i wish that sunny day comes..

but..

who can brings it to me..

如果....

如果我真的生重病，怎么办？
最近从动了手术，身体就一直生病，与我做抗，
已经有好几天没有睡好了，
胃胀，胃痛，
而现在轮到我腰后部那两部分， 开始疼痛，
一旦平躺，站着，走路，都会痛，
那个部位很靠近脊椎骨，很好象是两颗肾的位置...
难道，这就是我平时不喝水，不照顾身体的后果来找我了吗？
难道，真的亮红灯了吗？
难道我做的最坏打算到了吗?
我真的很害怕...
我...真的很怕...

jason chai, RIP

一个人出生的时候坐婴儿车。。
小孩子时坐脚踏车。。
长大了坐私家车。。
老了免不了坐救护车。。
到最后的一程坐出殡车。。
每个人都知道有双脚一伸的那一天。。。。

我。。。真的体会到了，

刚刚才知道我一位中学朋友去世了，

突然觉得好多好多的事情好难表达，

中学时，他算蛮矮小，

所以form2 form3都做我旁边，

也就是第一排，面对老师，

我们常打打闹闹，也成为无话不谈，
除此之外，你是正班长，我是副，
你教会了我很多，
如何睁一只眼闭一只眼，
哈哈，谢谢你...

直到form4,分开坐了，

我们没开始没有话题聊了，
那一年他曾发生一宗车祸，在三哩交通圈，

我曾经心里想过，

他驾车真的很危险。
form5, 他曾因为线上游戏wonderland的小误会和vivia他们吵架，

而我，

成了中间人，

着过后更导致我们更没有话题说，

他有他的朋友，我有我的朋友，

直到现在也没有联络，

也许人会说我跟他都没有关系了，哪里会悲伤，

哪里会想念他，

我，真的想念他了，

突然觉得神真的很奇妙，

当你不珍惜一个人，

他好像就会在你生命被拿走，

当他不见的时候，

后悔莫及，真得太迟了...
我真的后悔为什么因为懒惰，因为面子，因为害怕，

从不曾找他...

Jason Chai Han Chew, 希望我没有记错你的全名，

安息吧...
我会永远记得你的，

我真的很想念我们一起打闹的日子。

growing up?

我不想再38了，

我不知道几时开始觉得当知道很多人的是非，会越来越不像他，

因为会开始对人有偏见，

对待人也会有不同的方式，

我想学习你一样，

对每一个人都一样。

这次回去kl，

我给了自己一个任务，

我要参加短宣，

也要拿到最好的成绩。

我希望能够，

有人问过我，

如果让我进修，

我会选择哪一个方面，

当时我不知道，因为我每个方面都平平，

很多人告诉我可以往领导的方面，

我还在考虑...

下个学期我要搬家了，

不知是否是个好的决定，

即让已经决定了，

那就不后悔，

加油 =]

saturday

我永远都不想长大，

但是这现实的社会让你不得不低头，

自己也软弱了很多，

让我越来越封闭，

更不敢信任任何人...

自己一个人虽然寂寞，

但不会受到伤害...

人心真的很复杂，

这是我最近学会的...

成长也是有残酷的另一面....

thursday

不久，我就要搬家了，
曾经很想搬出宿舍，但是现在的心情是错种复杂，
也许跟宿舍有感情了吧，
也很想念房友，
要不是在宿舍发生了事情，
我应该还很快乐的跟房友住到毕业吧，
世事难料，

搬家不知是好事还是坏事，
发现到虽然出来变得很舒服，很自由，
但是就不像在求学的感觉，
可能是太舒服了，
应该是我的专注力很差吧...
虽然现在是考试期间，但无法专心。
昨晚还做了一件很疯狂的事，我既然和朋友跑去看半夜场戏，
这是我第一次在考试的时候做过最疯狂的事了，
我既然不是呆在家读书,
江玟慧，你也太不会拒绝人了吧！

最近也发生了很多事情，让我觉得很烦，
没心读书，
好像逃避一切，不想面对现实，
常常说其他人不要逃避现实，
但是自己没有好到哪里,
笨蛋！

发现自己越来越难相信人，
因为怕被受伤害，
常常把自己所有的心事埋在心里，
不敢告诉人，
因为怕别人知道我的不好或缺点时，
就会对我产生反感，
或是把我所说的告诉别人，
秘密就变成了八卦，
讲好听点是关心,
也许这就是以前带来的副作用吧，

原来我只有在这里才可以释放我的灰色地...
在别人的面前，我只是一个开心，成熟，乐观的江玟慧。

好想去我们都一直想去的地方...

都一直没有机会去

我们曾经说好的...

对不起，因为我的自私...

saturday

二零一二年二月十八日 结束

真的很舍不得

再见了！

After i went to a camp,

I started to realize that i never really understood what are my friends like to do or eat..

Always is my turn to talk,

I never listen to them,

I seldom care about them...

I seldom put my time on them...

I always busy on my own things,

& selfish, only think of the things which have advantages for myself...

Now,

I have to grow up...

& remember to GROW, BUILD & SERVE!

We can Grow, We will Build, We must Serve~!!! =)

Sometimes,

may feel there s a lot of things that i want to talk,

but

there s another sound from my heart

keep telling me that,

YOu! better be quiet~!!

It s better for u~!!!

Sooner or later my mouth will become smaller(i wish)

Today had happened the most funniest thing,

there's one girl from my hometown church,

She thought that I was born at 87,

Lol, do i look that old?

That s my brother's born year...

I was totally speechless..

BUt, is ok, at least i know that i am more mature..=S

But, I still want to clarify here,

I was born at year 1991,

officially 19.5 years old! (not yet birthday=D )

她...

开始不说话了...

她...

开始不知道自己要什么了...

她...

只知道下学期要做什么，和放弃什么...

她...

知道累，寂寞，就是达到目标代价...

她...

只想这么做...

虽知两个人或一群人总比一个人好...=)

一个人

慢慢地，开始了，习惯了，

一个人的感觉，

那天在学校餐厅，一个人时，

可以很清楚地听到

看到不同的鸟，

鸟鸣声，

水的声音，

风扇的转动声，

就连麻雀也跟我很近，

可以很清楚地看到他们的一举一动，

这种感觉真的很舒服，

不应在乎旁边的人这样看你...

也不会怕说错话伤到人，

很自在..

也许久了，

我也会习惯自己一个人，

也能享受... =)

Last night just celebrated pui ling and yee yang's birthday again..

although celebrate pui ling's birthday was my idea,

now not mine anymore..

maybe like that also better,

they ll more enjoy in it...^^

just they felt happy then that s enough..

I also had hurted them a lot...

Do this tiny stuff for them is just nothing..=)

i feel so tired no matter in physically or mentally,

I never felt happy,

i had forget how does a real smile looks like...

anything is start from negative..

now then,i started to emo and be quiet again,(awww, emo again! ><)

when a people smile,

doesnt mean that it has to be a real smile,

when a ppl smiling,

doesnt mean that she/he is really feel happy..

everything just too heavy for me to carry..

Dear Lord,

pls help me to remove all these abundant,

let me just live for u...

Through the celebration, i started to know what they like to eat,

is a good thing..

What Dr Tang told me

Learn to be more careful

Careful in every small detail,

Not just concentrate on the surface!

Train to be more careful and less Careless!

Then you can become a better person =)

Complicated feeling

Today i had some argument with him,

ya, i know u guys will said today was his birthday,

why?

and even if want to argue, why cant wait until tomorrow?

i know that 沉默是金...

But...it s already reached my limitation..

& i had done a bad thing,

even the church ppl celebrated birthday with him,

i didnt go,

ya, i very bad, i know...

after studying half of the long chapter...

a lot of plan didnt carried out, just everything telan into my stomach..

today i saw st thomas youth performance from facebook,

it was so creative,

and i m sure it needs alot of hard work and time~~

I really hoped that i had the chance to watch it,

i mean in live~~!! =)

today i still in a moody mode, cant even concentrate and focus on studies...

There s a long way to go,

I m just scared that i could not finished them in time...

*cough cough*

Dear immune system,

pls be stronger and fight with the mr cough's soldier..

I trust u~!

Happy birthday

Happy 20th birthd@y~~!!

This post is specially for u...

but i still wanted to ask u that,

today is the how many that we have been together?

hmph, now then just calculate!!

just now said me didnt pao milo for u,

never knew that where was the milo came from..

不感恩...=(

I think mostly this post is for me to scold u, not greeting u..

Good~~

Always didnt tell me things,

And hor...

put profile picture with other galsS..=P

AnywaY,

Enjoy ur big day~