说好的幸福呢？

一天一天的过去，但是对你的思念没有减少反而增加了...已经控制自己了..但，还是没有效.. 听到周杰伦的说好幸福呢，不禁想起我们在一起的时光。真的不喜欢这样的结果。真得很痛，那是说好的幸福呢，怎么会变成这样...我们好不容易在一起，为什么说放就放，没有给我选择的余地...

当初说好的幸福是不是在你心中已成了泡沫，消失了，连我们的回忆也抛开了...只留下悲伤和痛苦给我呢，天天想着你最后对我说的话，你说不要等你，对比起，你最不想伤害的人是我，我们所经过的只剩回忆，你真得很想做回朋友，现在只想专心在你的事业上。心真得很痛但是我没有选择的余地。难道我真地会成为你的绊脚石吗？为什么要这样对我...也不给我等你的机会。心真得很痛，好像忘了怎么呼吸。好想自己骗自己说你会回来的，你会好一样的爱着我，但是，直到已经不可能了。也许我真的太认真了..常像个小孩一样向你撒娇，像你哭闹...习惯依赖着你，只有你懂我在想什么，你常迁就着我。当我问你愿意和我一起当基督徒，你回答我说如果这时我要的，你一定可以。那时真的很开心。是你叫我怎样真真的爱上一个人，但你没教我要怎样忘记一个人...是你叫我怎样想念一个人但是你没有教我怎样忘记他。你没有给我时间学会，就以为我会了。还记得我们一起喜欢为你写诗这首歌，还记得我们一起在学校的玩乐，还记得你陪我一起哭泣，还记得你常用你妈妈电话打给我，每晚我们聊到很迟，还记得你常生气我没有喝水，没有固定吃...有次生日，你还送了我一个大杯。还记得你的拥抱，还记得你的呵爱，还记得和你牵手的时候，还记得你为了我，把头发染黄色，就为了配合那时他们说你是naruto,我变成了hinata. 还真得很笨...还记得你常和我说你很想我，你常叫我ahma.... 怎么当我变习惯了，你就离开呢...

每当听到一些关于以前我们在一起的人，事，物....都会想到你，眼泪就控制不住地向落下...sushi king是你带我去的，scoops 是你带我去的，mbo是你带我去的，sceret recipi也是你带我去的，mcd 和star cineplex有着我们很多的回忆...我们最后去的一个地方是马中公园，过后你就回KL了. 是乎每一个地方都有你的影子，想躲也躲不了。我不想再去那些地方，不想再想起你，不想再让自己这样累，不想........ 面对朋友可以开开心心，可以转掉对你的思念。但当有空闲时，满脑子都是你... 现在只有我一个人面对着电脑，像小孩一样，泪一直地往下掉。就像小孩失去了父母，不知道该怎么办才好... 真得很累...那些爱过的感觉都太深刻，我都还记得，但是只剩下回忆陪伴着我，只剩下回忆的音乐盒还旋转着..不知何时我才能放下....
很要好的朋友叫我往后退一步就可以看得更远，但是怎么看都看得到你，视线都离不开你，好想知道你所有的事情。熊告诉我说，当你变成了单身，就像你还没开始两个人的生活的样子，但是还没开始，就已经有你的陪伴了。真让我不知该怎么办....丽娟告诉我说，不要控制自己不想你，要想就去想吧，因为当你也控制就越想....但是越想就越离不开，越放不下...
啊爸父，倾听我的祷告，帮助我，让我能够依靠你，让我不去想这些，靠着你的力量有勇气放开，照着你的道路行走。做主你的见证，主，帮我打开我的心结，我的烦恼...有更多美好的事等着我...

Blogger's lifE

What does a blogger do?
Besides keep updating their blog,keep it interesting,share their life to others...let them feel wad they feel...
For me,it s like my diary... after few years,u look back all the thing u gone through,i think it s worth. the worthful thing is u can share n remember all the memories that pass through in ur journey.. It s really a long long journey...This is just part of my journey... Mayb others not interested on wad i write, but the most important thing is day after day,year after year,we keep growing up...u will found out more precious thing in your life...
Friends is the guardian angel that god give to us..Really thank god that give me so much encouragement from angels... When i m down,they just beside me and share their ears and shoulder to me...Let me to rely on and forget all the unhappiness...
Ohya,today is alan's 18th birthday..Happy birthday to u..^^ You really is a nice and funny guy. really feel great can have u this friend.May god always shine your life...

Where can i find back my Self confidence?!

Dont judge people or teasing people as u like..
You might hurt them through your words or your attitude... this is what i learn and teach by Miss Sarah. She really is a good teacher although sometimes she quite fierce...hmm...Seriously when she talk about this,i feel quite touch because I know how it s feel when teasing someone...It really affect that people a lot..
When i m 14 years old,i already started play piano in church..but...i m not a good pianist that time..i always played a lot of wrong notes and didnt even know how to play chords..one day,a guy came to me and say :" haiyo...chords also dont know how to play,if i can play piano,i wont play like tat worse,so laoya...just the matter i already old.Play in sunday school cannot keep playin notes only..Need to play chords...Notes only use in choir..." Man....when i heard that...my heart really pain,and he talked this to me in front of my friends and cousin...I dont dare to cry in front of him..i m just smiling only..Afterthat i rushed to toilet and burst into tears... And cried about 2 hours...I keep praying and praying...I m know i lousy...My nervousness cover my eyes.. From that time...my self confidence getting less and less... Everytime when i see him,i ll remember what he said to me..In my mind,it keeps telling me that i cant do good,i cannot play well & nice... Till now...i loss my confident...
When i m doing thing,i cannot trust i can do well... when go in form 6, more terrible...it s really v stress and tired... Honestly,i really dont even think i can do well in my form 6... Getting emo n emo...Sometimes even feel wan to give up...
Lol...when miss sarah told us her story,i know how s feel..It s really feel hurt and affect a person a lot... And i wan to say sorry to wilson because i ever saying he s fat..but i really just kidding..>.< Because u never know what ll happen in future..u may become thinner than now or fatter than now...because i also can see few of this example happen around me...
Today.....i still miss him a lot..haiz...another to go...a day that dont hv you by my side... good luck everyone.. If found ur true love,dont let it go easily...>.<
Lol...ushh..add oil..

A boring day.....

Today really v v extremely boring& tired ...first three periods we didnt have any class....only muet,math1, and chemistry subject we have thing to do... ohya...last sun i just got the church performance photos from my friends...i do post some at here....It was fun..





19 September 2009(saturday)




My 2 pastors...^^




=.=..during performance




when finiz performance..

The days without you...

The days without u....this is the 4th week....
I m really not used to it..
really make me suffer a lot...
none of the day that my mind is without thinking of u..
I really miss u alot...
But,
no one know...just all keep inside my heart...
u say u want to concentrate on working,
and u say now u have your own dream to go on...
then why last time u still find me when u come back...
Why u want to give me those promises...
Why u want let me serious on it...
Why u want give me hope...
WhY.....
At last....
The thing i gain...
is sorry,dont wait for you...
I really dont want ur sorry...i just want u to come back..
lol...i know that s really impossible..
till now..i dont know how to put down...I still keep waiting...
Waiting u to come back...
I do really hope u r the one who god arrange to me...
I really do hope so...everyday i try to make myself busy & happy..
but my mind...like already addicted to miss u...
memories....sometimes is good,but..sometimes make me dont want to face to reality...
There s really so much of memories between me & you...consists of 4 years memory...
All the things arround me is related to u...
I tot i ll put down easily..
But...
mayb i stil need time...
Now i just try to put down,try hard to lock inside my heart...
dont let it run out again...
I know u want me to do that....
I will......

26 October 2009

Phew,this is the 1st time i write a blog...^^
hmm....today i just finish my test. Suddenly i felt tat there s really a lot of memories within this 18 years.. friends,family,relationship stuff... through all this,had let me grow up, become more mature. Sometimes...will feel tired and depress...but..life keep pushing us to move forward. It means we have no choice to stop at the start line there or step backward.. at this moment,a lot of memory burst ito my mind...Everything that happen around us sure got something want we to learn from... Now do really very lucky to have a lot of best fren & a sis that care me a lot.. Well,i also wan say thank u to xiong,yong hui jie, and adrian... thanks u for helping me to stand up when i fall down. I know that i really hyper super emotional, lol....I ll change it..i PROMISE!!
The biggest gap in your life is that between what you know and what you do."Ush...add oil!!
Ohya,share one more thing with u all...^^
*when loss of something is because god have a better plan on me & time is taken to prove tat so time is needed because tat s 4 me!* it s from xiong.