累....

突然觉得好累....

身心灵都觉得好无力...

想起今年所发生的事，却想不起又是那么开心的事...

为什么会这样子，

朋友也一个一个的去外地读书，要不是就很难见得到面...

明年又是一个很忙得一年，虽然很充实，

但....

又有点害怕自己不能应付...

其实知道自己一点也不够勇敢，不够自信....

何时我才会找到这些...

大家都渐渐地长大

不禁怀疑自己是否也长大了,

还是还停留在那里....

常常祷告，长期求神能让我知道我该怎么走....

但好像现在还不是时候知道...

有时真的觉得好累...

真的不知道那里找加油站了....

好累...

Some photos.....during christmas & carolling..

This are few photos taken during christmas..with my liile sunday school kids..had a performance

with them...on tat day.

During carolling..

2 of my little angels...they learn the dance v fast..

bao zhu(act as mary on tat day)

Confirmed Answer....!!!

It s good that i knw a confirmed answer.. LOl..thanks for hui fung ask me go to view his profile..now everything is stated & proved...
you 're liar...

How stupid m i......

Actually i already ever guess it..just myself stupid....keep waiting the miracle could happen...

Now just hope u 2 can together happily...and dont appear in my sight again... coz we dont have any thing can talk about..SEriously & honestly...

Merry Christm@S!!

JoY tO tHe wOrLD...

This 3 days i m joining my church carolling... It was fun...and the most far place tat we went was bau... This 3 days,we dy went about 11 houses...I was in charged of playing the instrument, something like keyboard but it was shorter and needed to blow when playing the notes...

Today is the 3rd day.and is a soi day for me.. I fall down at the church car park there...and it was a rough road...man...It was really pain..my right knee keep bleeding... I keep tahan and smiling... but when one of the aunt put some medicine on it,goshh...PAIN!!! knt tahan anymore..burst into tears..>.<

so paiseh,i cried at a church ppl haoz...i dy have a long time didnt fall down...haiz..broke reoced again....=.=

Happy rice ball festival...

Happy tang yuan festisval!! XD

百感交集

Just now i went to a dinner with my mum...it s a t~io jiu gong hui celebrate their 55th aniversary..

Guess what~~.

i saw my tradional dancing group friends..they are performing.seriously..i joined it when i 5 years old until 16 years old... It s long,right? when watching them dance,i feel times pass really fast... some of frineds dy go overseas and study or stop dancing.. But some still inside.. a lot of sweet memory and all flashback appear in my mind..feel like wanna to go back and dance with them.. BUt..i think quite impossible...coz i loss my tradisional feel le...and feel paiseh le.

Besides that,i got walked to the backstage and have a tok with them..haha...my teacher,chai lao shi,didnt changed much...she stil v pretty and looks young although already give birth.. And stil got take 2 pics with my fren... the most amazing thing is.......when i m 12 years old,i ever act as a monkey coz tat year is a monkey year,then i gt hug a little gal... Just know she recognised me and she dy reach my mouth.... oh gosh,tat time she stil soooo small, just a little kid and now dy so big, and stil recognise me..feel so happyand touch..ahha..
Time really flies v fast..and it wont wait for anyone... morever,now is the end of this year....when thinking back,there is really a lot of memory and things happened around us... Do ever tried hard in something? Ever give out thing easily? Now we should tidy up our emotions and mood... and waving hand to the pass...

19 dec 2009 saturday

Anyone can tell me how to be strong and wont soft hearted?

I wondering am i too easy to believe a people?

Sometimes i do really feel tired and not happy at all....=(

*.*?

today is my last performance at cold storage. Actually planned to meet my dar,hui fung but at last...dindt manage to meet up..haiz.. And i didnt go to crown to support my fren..today they having 2nd round dancing competition. when one of my dancing fren call me,i feel quite guilty coz dindt go support them.. hmm...sorry.. and i also didnt followed them to santubong for 3 days 2nights. Coz my mum sure not allow me to go... And all of them going are couples,dont feel wanna do a big bulb.. this is one of the reason..
Dont know feel tired le,although 10.09 only...

Should I?

I had a orhestra performance at spring about 7.30pm. Seriously,i didnt did it with my best. Then i rushed to choir practice. when i walked to back stage,i saw IMH academy higher learning student and teacher,the 1st thing came to my mind when saw them was scared...because i dont know that can i help or join CMC orhestra because i still learning piano and cello at orhestra.

At that time i dont know should i go up stage and perform with them. Seriously i quite scare,and that few higher learning students and teacher knew me. Well, it already happened.. Tomorrow night still got one more performace at cold storage. Haiz...mayb after this,i think i should quit. Coz dont feel good to both side,neither IMH nor CMC...

NEW day

Finally..Today feel so happy and cherish.. finally i can let it go although sometimes ll miss him.. But i know that the guy i loved before already not here... There have more things waiting for me..i know God is keep leading me..

I know i can do it. I have to keep on moving, coz i still have my friends and family with me. Thanks god,u let me realised this.

Suddenly feel so happy and all my stress relieved..

I want say thank u to my best friends that keep accompany with me and encourage me..

Lilian,

thanks for accompany with me when i dropping tears in front of com. stil remember that u ask me to take it easy.

xiong,

I got what u said. yeah,is true,i need time to step out and have a wider view. And i do trust that god have a better plan on me,just need time to prove it.Now i really got it.

yong hui jie,

I knew that jie actually also feel unhappy but stil need consolate me.Jie,thank u. Add oil...God ll keep accompany with u. Just keep on praying and trust god...I m sure he ll lead u..

xiao yang,

i dont feel regret to tell u my relationship stuff although is the 1st time. what u told me tat night, i wont forget...

Adrian,

hey...u should be proud coz u r the 1st guy tat heard me cried til so tiam through the phone. Lol..know tat u dont know how to consolate me,just can keep hearing me talk useless thing,and cant move forward... But,i do really need that..thanks for keep supporting me..

Hui fung,

Eh, didnt forget u..haha..my dar dar...thank u... I still remember that u ever praised me. U said my condition so good,sure can find a better one..is u let me realised that he changed a lot...he is not the person that we knew before.You really is my best friend since form 4. really feel happy to know u this best friend.And i miss u a lot..nearly one year didnt saw u...

chia wen & joanne

U two are my best friends since form 1. err..no,i knew chia wen was form 2. But,really thank for everything. wen,i trust tat u also can. Just tell yourself that you can!!! all the thing between u and him already is a pass. Now what should do is keep on moving forward,prove to him that without him,u stil can and is he should feels regret,not u...

this is what i got...

Joanne,thanks for your big hug when i sad. It really means a lot to me..

chia Xin,

i know that actually u quite care about your friends just u dont know how to react. And thanks for your words. seriously,i never thought of u ll encourage me and become quite friend with u... and can have a heart talk with u...

and lots more that i dindt mentioned here...

without u guys,i couldnt imagined what ll happened... is u guys give me the motivation to move forward... I want to give u all a big hug & thank u!! ^^

yup,it already pass...

Tomorrow is a new day and hope...

13 dec 2009 Sunday

Today is my 2nd time lead praise n workship at 12th mile 伊甸园. Nice try...seriously..i stil ahve to improve myself.. Next year I ll continue leading it... and start play piano too... next year 2010 is the challenging year that i ever had.. Add oil...

Thank u....

Finally....I think no long i can publish out my blog...now still count as writing secretly... =.= only few of my good friends know about it...I do promise that when i can let go and wont looking backward again,i will let my friends know about my blog...i dont want to let them know that actually i m so......useless.... haiz..

I trust myself that can walk out from it...

thanks god for lead me when i m sad..

and got a lot of friends with me when i m unhappy...

I wont feel any loneliness or unhappiness,

becaosue i got dearest God and my best friendSss with me..

Thank u,everyone..!!!

Lady of night?! woots..

Just now i went to crown square to see my team having their competition. Honestly,i never thought of dance on stage which i used to be... suddenly there is a activity that choosing 10 audience come out n have to solo dance to get a free ticket for the final competition. Well,it costs RM25. I been choosen by the MC. This should be the 1st time i solo on the stage. And it was 2 mins... It was long.

goshh...1st time..and i m the 1st one who solo... NERVOUS... I tried cool down myself and tried to dance well.. honestly i dont know what i had danced... but when i finished,the MC told me that :'christina...u 're the lady of night.U should join this competition,and u can dance sexy dance...'

woots...quite happy when heard it..But when i finished my solo part,i could felt that my legs is shaking and my hands were cold... Of course,i got my free ticket..^^

besides that,my friend also said i got improvement,but i dont think so..because i already 3 months didnt danced..=.= i knew they hoped that i could came back..but...seriously..i think i got more dreams to go for..

hmm...that s all for today..thanks for giving the chance to step on the stage again..and had the 1st experience solo on stage..^^

About my own problem which i kept mentioned,i already tried to let go...although still will missing him...somehow,i believe that i can release myself from the darkness...

1.15am...it s late...got to sleep...good nite,my friends..

The Conclusion....I 've got it!!!

Lol...finally i know why. Finally i found out by myself...lol...i keep asking but no one give me any answer. I know why u never reply me,i know y u ll bluff me so much and give so "nice" reason. because of a gal..Since she already admit u are her bf by using ur english name in writing of chinese at her facebook profile.. and the time she admits is the time u say those "reason" to me.. now i just realised how stupid am i... waiting for so long..keep believing u stil the same...the same granpa that i knew..

But....i m wrong...

U really not the granpa that i know,

u ever is the best for me,

u ever is the one that i loved a lot,

u ever is the one i trust a lot,

u ever is the one that keep with me no matter what happened...

Now....u are not anymore....

he....already died...

This is the first itme i mentioned your name here & also is the last time...

Ambrose,

You arent belong to me anymore...

because ur heart is at somewhere else...

i wont trust u anymore.. not again...

I think this is the time for me to be cruel....

Thanks for giving me so much sweet momories...

Appreciate a lot..

& do really appreaciate ur bluffing...

I wont be soft hearted anymore...

& this is the lesson u gave to me...

Now i dont want to become that stupid again...

Thanks for everything no matter there are good or bad things...

............

why......

WHY!!!!

touchin story

今天期中考，学校早一点放学，我打了通电话给他。 　　
：喂，我今天比较早放学，你来载我回家好不好？ 　　
：好，等我五分钟。 　　
：五分钟？我学校就在你家旁边耶。 　 　 　　
：我总要打扮一下啊。 　　
：好啦，快一点喔。 　 　 　　
下午2：00，太阳大的让我有种冲动想喷鼻血，我站在树荫下挥动着手，虽然没凉到哪里去，但是煽总比不煽好。 　 　 　　
五分钟过了，他还没来，我看看手表，有点不高兴，十分钟过了，他还没到..，该不会出了什么事吧？呸呸呸...乌鸦嘴，十五分钟过了，他总算到了。 　

：怎么这么慢？ 　　

他一副无所谓的样子说：没啊，看个电视。 　 　 　　

什么？看个电视？你要不要顺便睡个觉洗个澡吃个饭再来？我没有说话，没有 拿安全帽，没有上车的瞪着他.

：对不起。 　

这是他第一次对我说对不起，他是一个很大男人主义，爱面子的男生，所以他从不像女生低头说对不起，我看着他，好吧，似乎面有惭色，我带上安全帽，让他载我回家。 　　 　　

他总是这样，从来不解释，不争论，不跟我吵架，只跟我说对不起，有些事，不是一句对不起就能解决的，但是他都跟我道歉了，我也就没再追究下去，他说，我是第一个让他说对不起的女生。

认错需要很大的勇气，但是他从来都没有改进他的错误，对不起反而变成一种打发我的话。在他说第59次对不起时，我流着泪，低下头说：你不要再跟我说对不起了，如果你无法改变，就不要让我给你一次又一次的机会，相信你会改变。他轻轻的拥着我，说了第60句对不起。 　　 　　

虽然如此，他还是没有改变，不做任何的解释，我开始怀疑他是不是有事瞒着我。 　　 　　 　：你最近怎么了？ 　　

：没有啊。

：那你为什么心情不好？

：没有啊。 　　

：又是没有啊，你除了这句话以外没有别的吗？你知不知道我很担心，很没 有安全感，你到底有没有当我是你女朋友？ 　　

：...对不起。 　　

：我不要听你说对不起。

我挂了电话，他也没有打来，他根本就不在乎我，也许，我们该结束ㄌ..........这是他说的第99句对不起....。 　　

从那天开始，我再也没有找过他，他也没有打电话给我，有时候，我会接到一通无声的电话，但是我喂了几声，就挂了，有一种直觉是他，但是他为什么都不说话？一个月之后，我按奈不住思念的心情决定到他学校找他，我在教室外东张西望的，就是没有看到他的人影，我随便抓了一个男生来问。 　　 　　

：同学，请问一下，梦伟今天有来吗？ 　　

：他休学了。

：啊？为什么？什么时候的事？ 　　

：他已经一个月没来了。 　　

：...喔..谢谢。一个月..一个月没来，怎么会呢？

我跌跌撞撞的回到家..拨他的手机：您的电话已经为您转到语音信箱，请在嘟一声...。我挂了电话，打到他家，响了好久都没有人接，怎么会？全家移民吗？他仿佛是从这世界上消失了一样，没有一点痕迹。 　　他该不会另结新欢了吧？我开始胡思乱想，我找不到他..，正当我烦恼的时候，电话突然响了，是阿立打来的，他是梦伟的死党也是我的好友。 　　 　　

：喂，你还在干嘛啊？ 　

：什么？ 　　

：ㄚ伟在医院啦。 　　

：真的？他怎么了？ 　　

：没有啦，他在○○医院，就是你上次住的那一家。 　　

：我马上去。

我立刻用我出生以来最大的速度飙到那家医院，在医院看到了他****和妈妈，我向他们问了他在哪一间病房之后，就急忙的飞奔而去。

他躺在床上，眼睛看着我，没有说话，没有起床，一动也不动的。 　　　　 　　

：喂，你怎么了？为什么不通知我呢？

他没有回答我，只是一直用同样的眼神看着我。

：回答我啊，你为什么不说话？

他眼角留下了一滴泪，身体仿佛用了最大的力气，牵动着嘴角 　　

：...对不起...。说完，他闭上了眼睛。 　　

：喂，你别装了好不好，为什么要说对不起，我不要你说对不起啊，你起来 啊，回答我啊。

我哭倒在他床边，拉着他的衣服哭喊着：你为什么要说对不起，连说服我的理由都没有？我不会原谅你，你起来啊，你说对不起没有用啊，你不起来我这辈子都不会原谅你，我求求你....睁开眼睛啊...。 　　
这是他说的一百句对不起...一群医生和护士拉开我，开始抢救他，我全身没有力气再站起来，我的头脑一片空白，眼前一片漆黑..。 　　
他没有离开这个世界，只是我永远都无法触摸到他，但他有时也会在我的梦中出现，告诉我他过的好不好。 　　
他还是陪着我，还是活着，在我心里，他依然如昔，还是会笑着叫我咏熙，叫我老婆，只是..他不再对我说对不起了...。 　　
　　
过了几个月，他妈妈来找我，给了我一个盒子，里面装的，是一百张照片，每一张照片的背面，都写着它让我生气的事情。 　　
第一次对不起，老婆，我今天不是故意迟到的，我也知道理由很烂，但是我真的不忍心说实话，我在出门前突然心脏绞痛，但是我已经尽量赶了，原谅我好吗？第二次对不起?老婆，我.......... 　　
第三次对不起，老婆，我... 　　
................................ 　　
............................ 　　
................... 　　
................ 　　
........... 　　
......... 　　
..... 　　
第一百次对不起，老婆，我不是狠心要丢下你，只是上帝似乎不给我这个机会让我爱你一辈子，为你带上戒指，你是我第一个让我说对不起的女孩，也是我第一个想共度一生的女孩，原谅我不能给你幸福，我会化作天使，守护着你，看着你得到幸福，答应我，别哭，我不要看到你为了我憔悴流泪的样子，我爱你。bye 梦伟 　　
　　
我怎么可能不哭，你的要求太严苛了，最后一张照片，是他在医院理拍的，照片上他笑的很灿烂，他变的好瘦，脸色好苍白，但是他还是露出了笑容，拍这第
　　
一百张照片。 　　
　　
在他最虚弱罪痛苦的时候，我没有陪着他。 　　
对不起。 　　
我抱着他的照片，泪流不止！！

　　

愿天下所的情人.愿你们能珍惜眼前的人,不要失去后才懂得珍惜...不要让悲剧再次上演!

　　

在这个时刻，想你的心一样没变....

好想大声告诉你我有多么的想你，很想见到你...

你真的好残忍,为什么这么自私...

但, 这些都只能往内心里埋起来

因知道你不会回来了....

只能让一切沉淀下来...

何时我才能变回以前带有欢笑的我...

期待....

a normal day....

I m glad that last night i found 2 friends in orhestra besides marlene who brings me to there. One is playin cello,another one is playin violin. Hard to find a friend...Finally.... i always couldnt find a real friend. really appreaciate it. Cassandra & Ing Chie,thanks for being my friends..^^

Start from last night,have been pain of the tooth of wisdom.
tOday i cant really take my meals. It s really pain..>.<

Today i didnt do anything..just...facing the computer... & touch piano awhile..guess that tomorrow morning i have to practice hard,coz afternoon i have my lesson. Getting lazier...>.<

A short touching story

DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE THIS MUCH?
> A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...
> Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
> Guy: No this is fun.
> Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
> Guy: Then tell me you love me.
> Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
> Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
> Girl hugs him
> Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.
> In the paper the next day :( A motorcycle had crashed into a building
> because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one had
> survived.
> The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes
> broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say
> she loved him & felt her hug him one last time, then had her wear his
> helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

Finally....

Break record!!!

Lol...i already 6 days dindt touched my com...woots!! & tat y i couldnt update my blog... As usual,the 1st thing i seacrh is facebook when i can online...and start checkin my farmville,cafe world,walls and comment..and...i wun forget to check his profile.. haiz... i had to admit that i really addicted to facebook..=.= All my photos,songs,important documents loss....All my memories photos gone...>.<

Last night,i was out of controlled again....my mood was down..and missing him a lot..i drop into my memories again..& i done a stupid thing..i msg him n told him how much i miss him.. bt the conclusion stil the same,he didnt replied... lol..sometimes really feel myself like a stupid. now i truly understand the feeling of waiting without knowing what that person thking about is so hard... I m really...tired......& miss him a lot... After u had read tiz,u sure ll feel that i m useless...

Lazyness...

i getting lazy than before... lazy to study..lazy to practice piano... haiz...if i keep like that,i cant imagine what colud happen..besides that,my piano teacher wants me to have my dip practical exam on aug next year... i really scared that i cant manage to prepare it well...and next year i have to sit for my stpm...hope i can mamge my time well & MOre disiplin...>.<