累....

突然觉得好累....

身心灵都觉得好无力...

想起今年所发生的事，却想不起又是那么开心的事...

为什么会这样子，

朋友也一个一个的去外地读书，要不是就很难见得到面...

明年又是一个很忙得一年，虽然很充实，

但....

又有点害怕自己不能应付...

其实知道自己一点也不够勇敢，不够自信....

何时我才会找到这些...

大家都渐渐地长大

不禁怀疑自己是否也长大了,

还是还停留在那里....

常常祷告，长期求神能让我知道我该怎么走....

但好像现在还不是时候知道...

有时真的觉得好累...

真的不知道那里找加油站了....

好累...

Some photos.....during christmas & carolling..

This are few photos taken during christmas..with my liile sunday school kids..had a performance

with them...on tat day.

During carolling..

2 of my little angels...they learn the dance v fast..

bao zhu(act as mary on tat day)

Confirmed Answer....!!!

It s good that i knw a confirmed answer.. LOl..thanks for hui fung ask me go to view his profile..now everything is stated & proved...
you 're liar...

How stupid m i......

Actually i already ever guess it..just myself stupid....keep waiting the miracle could happen...

Now just hope u 2 can together happily...and dont appear in my sight again... coz we dont have any thing can talk about..SEriously & honestly...

Merry Christm@S!!

JoY tO tHe wOrLD...

This 3 days i m joining my church carolling... It was fun...and the most far place tat we went was bau... This 3 days,we dy went about 11 houses...I was in charged of playing the instrument, something like keyboard but it was shorter and needed to blow when playing the notes...

Today is the 3rd day.and is a soi day for me.. I fall down at the church car park there...and it was a rough road...man...It was really pain..my right knee keep bleeding... I keep tahan and smiling... but when one of the aunt put some medicine on it,goshh...PAIN!!! knt tahan anymore..burst into tears..>.<

so paiseh,i cried at a church ppl haoz...i dy have a long time didnt fall down...haiz..broke reoced again....=.=

Happy rice ball festival...

Happy tang yuan festisval!! XD

百感交集

Just now i went to a dinner with my mum...it s a t~io jiu gong hui celebrate their 55th aniversary..

Guess what~~.

i saw my tradional dancing group friends..they are performing.seriously..i joined it when i 5 years old until 16 years old... It s long,right? when watching them dance,i feel times pass really fast... some of frineds dy go overseas and study or stop dancing.. But some still inside.. a lot of sweet memory and all flashback appear in my mind..feel like wanna to go back and dance with them.. BUt..i think quite impossible...coz i loss my tradisional feel le...and feel paiseh le.

Besides that,i got walked to the backstage and have a tok with them..haha...my teacher,chai lao shi,didnt changed much...she stil v pretty and looks young although already give birth.. And stil got take 2 pics with my fren... the most amazing thing is.......when i m 12 years old,i ever act as a monkey coz tat year is a monkey year,then i gt hug a little gal... Just know she recognised me and she dy reach my mouth.... oh gosh,tat time she stil soooo small, just a little kid and now dy so big, and stil recognise me..feel so happyand touch..ahha..
Time really flies v fast..and it wont wait for anyone... morever,now is the end of this year....when thinking back,there is really a lot of memory and things happened around us... Do ever tried hard in something? Ever give out thing easily? Now we should tidy up our emotions and mood... and waving hand to the pass...

19 dec 2009 saturday

Anyone can tell me how to be strong and wont soft hearted?

I wondering am i too easy to believe a people?

Sometimes i do really feel tired and not happy at all....=(

*.*?

today is my last performance at cold storage. Actually planned to meet my dar,hui fung but at last...dindt manage to meet up..haiz.. And i didnt go to crown to support my fren..today they having 2nd round dancing competition. when one of my dancing fren call me,i feel quite guilty coz dindt go support them.. hmm...sorry.. and i also didnt followed them to santubong for 3 days 2nights. Coz my mum sure not allow me to go... And all of them going are couples,dont feel wanna do a big bulb.. this is one of the reason..
Dont know feel tired le,although 10.09 only...

Should I?

I had a orhestra performance at spring about 7.30pm. Seriously,i didnt did it with my best. Then i rushed to choir practice. when i walked to back stage,i saw IMH academy higher learning student and teacher,the 1st thing came to my mind when saw them was scared...because i dont know that can i help or join CMC orhestra because i still learning piano and cello at orhestra.

At that time i dont know should i go up stage and perform with them. Seriously i quite scare,and that few higher learning students and teacher knew me. Well, it already happened.. Tomorrow night still got one more performace at cold storage. Haiz...mayb after this,i think i should quit. Coz dont feel good to both side,neither IMH nor CMC...

NEW day

Finally..Today feel so happy and cherish.. finally i can let it go although sometimes ll miss him.. But i know that the guy i loved before already not here... There have more things waiting for me..i know God is keep leading me..

I know i can do it. I have to keep on moving, coz i still have my friends and family with me. Thanks god,u let me realised this.

Suddenly feel so happy and all my stress relieved..

I want say thank u to my best friends that keep accompany with me and encourage me..

Lilian,

thanks for accompany with me when i dropping tears in front of com. stil remember that u ask me to take it easy.

xiong,

I got what u said. yeah,is true,i need time to step out and have a wider view. And i do trust that god have a better plan on me,just need time to prove it.Now i really got it.

yong hui jie,

I knew that jie actually also feel unhappy but stil need consolate me.Jie,thank u. Add oil...God ll keep accompany with u. Just keep on praying and trust god...I m sure he ll lead u..

xiao yang,

i dont feel regret to tell u my relationship stuff although is the 1st time. what u told me tat night, i wont forget...

Adrian,

hey...u should be proud coz u r the 1st guy tat heard me cried til so tiam through the phone. Lol..know tat u dont know how to consolate me,just can keep hearing me talk useless thing,and cant move forward... But,i do really need that..thanks for keep supporting me..

Hui fung,

Eh, didnt forget u..haha..my dar dar...thank u... I still remember that u ever praised me. U said my condition so good,sure can find a better one..is u let me realised that he changed a lot...he is not the person that we knew before.You really is my best friend since form 4. really feel happy to know u this best friend.And i miss u a lot..nearly one year didnt saw u...

chia wen & joanne

U two are my best friends since form 1. err..no,i knew chia wen was form 2. But,really thank for everything. wen,i trust tat u also can. Just tell yourself that you can!!! all the thing between u and him already is a pass. Now what should do is keep on moving forward,prove to him that without him,u stil can and is he should feels regret,not u...

this is what i got...

Joanne,thanks for your big hug when i sad. It really means a lot to me..

chia Xin,

i know that actually u quite care about your friends just u dont know how to react. And thanks for your words. seriously,i never thought of u ll encourage me and become quite friend with u... and can have a heart talk with u...

and lots more that i dindt mentioned here...

without u guys,i couldnt imagined what ll happened... is u guys give me the motivation to move forward... I want to give u all a big hug & thank u!! ^^

yup,it already pass...

Tomorrow is a new day and hope...

13 dec 2009 Sunday

Today is my 2nd time lead praise n workship at 12th mile 伊甸园. Nice try...seriously..i stil ahve to improve myself.. Next year I ll continue leading it... and start play piano too... next year 2010 is the challenging year that i ever had.. Add oil...

Thank u....

Finally....I think no long i can publish out my blog...now still count as writing secretly... =.= only few of my good friends know about it...I do promise that when i can let go and wont looking backward again,i will let my friends know about my blog...i dont want to let them know that actually i m so......useless.... haiz..

I trust myself that can walk out from it...

thanks god for lead me when i m sad..

and got a lot of friends with me when i m unhappy...

I wont feel any loneliness or unhappiness,

becaosue i got dearest God and my best friendSss with me..

Thank u,everyone..!!!

Lady of night?! woots..

Just now i went to crown square to see my team having their competition. Honestly,i never thought of dance on stage which i used to be... suddenly there is a activity that choosing 10 audience come out n have to solo dance to get a free ticket for the final competition. Well,it costs RM25. I been choosen by the MC. This should be the 1st time i solo on the stage. And it was 2 mins... It was long.

goshh...1st time..and i m the 1st one who solo... NERVOUS... I tried cool down myself and tried to dance well.. honestly i dont know what i had danced... but when i finished,the MC told me that :'christina...u 're the lady of night.U should join this competition,and u can dance sexy dance...'

woots...quite happy when heard it..But when i finished my solo part,i could felt that my legs is shaking and my hands were cold... Of course,i got my free ticket..^^

besides that,my friend also said i got improvement,but i dont think so..because i already 3 months didnt danced..=.= i knew they hoped that i could came back..but...seriously..i think i got more dreams to go for..

hmm...that s all for today..thanks for giving the chance to step on the stage again..and had the 1st experience solo on stage..^^

About my own problem which i kept mentioned,i already tried to let go...although still will missing him...somehow,i believe that i can release myself from the darkness...

1.15am...it s late...got to sleep...good nite,my friends..

The Conclusion....I 've got it!!!

Lol...finally i know why. Finally i found out by myself...lol...i keep asking but no one give me any answer. I know why u never reply me,i know y u ll bluff me so much and give so "nice" reason. because of a gal..Since she already admit u are her bf by using ur english name in writing of chinese at her facebook profile.. and the time she admits is the time u say those "reason" to me.. now i just realised how stupid am i... waiting for so long..keep believing u stil the same...the same granpa that i knew..

But....i m wrong...

U really not the granpa that i know,

u ever is the best for me,

u ever is the one that i loved a lot,

u ever is the one i trust a lot,

u ever is the one that keep with me no matter what happened...

Now....u are not anymore....

he....already died...

This is the first itme i mentioned your name here & also is the last time...

Ambrose,

You arent belong to me anymore...

because ur heart is at somewhere else...

i wont trust u anymore.. not again...

I think this is the time for me to be cruel....

Thanks for giving me so much sweet momories...

Appreciate a lot..

& do really appreaciate ur bluffing...

I wont be soft hearted anymore...

& this is the lesson u gave to me...

Now i dont want to become that stupid again...

Thanks for everything no matter there are good or bad things...

............

why......

WHY!!!!

touchin story

今天期中考，学校早一点放学，我打了通电话给他。 　　
：喂，我今天比较早放学，你来载我回家好不好？ 　　
：好，等我五分钟。 　　
：五分钟？我学校就在你家旁边耶。 　 　 　　
：我总要打扮一下啊。 　　
：好啦，快一点喔。 　 　 　　
下午2：00，太阳大的让我有种冲动想喷鼻血，我站在树荫下挥动着手，虽然没凉到哪里去，但是煽总比不煽好。 　 　 　　
五分钟过了，他还没来，我看看手表，有点不高兴，十分钟过了，他还没到..，该不会出了什么事吧？呸呸呸...乌鸦嘴，十五分钟过了，他总算到了。 　

：怎么这么慢？ 　　

他一副无所谓的样子说：没啊，看个电视。 　 　 　　

什么？看个电视？你要不要顺便睡个觉洗个澡吃个饭再来？我没有说话，没有 拿安全帽，没有上车的瞪着他.

：对不起。 　

这是他第一次对我说对不起，他是一个很大男人主义，爱面子的男生，所以他从不像女生低头说对不起，我看着他，好吧，似乎面有惭色，我带上安全帽，让他载我回家。 　　 　　

他总是这样，从来不解释，不争论，不跟我吵架，只跟我说对不起，有些事，不是一句对不起就能解决的，但是他都跟我道歉了，我也就没再追究下去，他说，我是第一个让他说对不起的女生。

认错需要很大的勇气，但是他从来都没有改进他的错误，对不起反而变成一种打发我的话。在他说第59次对不起时，我流着泪，低下头说：你不要再跟我说对不起了，如果你无法改变，就不要让我给你一次又一次的机会，相信你会改变。他轻轻的拥着我，说了第60句对不起。 　　 　　

虽然如此，他还是没有改变，不做任何的解释，我开始怀疑他是不是有事瞒着我。 　　 　　 　：你最近怎么了？ 　　

：没有啊。

：那你为什么心情不好？

：没有啊。 　　

：又是没有啊，你除了这句话以外没有别的吗？你知不知道我很担心，很没 有安全感，你到底有没有当我是你女朋友？ 　　

：...对不起。 　　

：我不要听你说对不起。

我挂了电话，他也没有打来，他根本就不在乎我，也许，我们该结束ㄌ..........这是他说的第99句对不起....。 　　

从那天开始，我再也没有找过他，他也没有打电话给我，有时候，我会接到一通无声的电话，但是我喂了几声，就挂了，有一种直觉是他，但是他为什么都不说话？一个月之后，我按奈不住思念的心情决定到他学校找他，我在教室外东张西望的，就是没有看到他的人影，我随便抓了一个男生来问。 　　 　　

：同学，请问一下，梦伟今天有来吗？ 　　

：他休学了。

：啊？为什么？什么时候的事？ 　　

：他已经一个月没来了。 　　

：...喔..谢谢。一个月..一个月没来，怎么会呢？

我跌跌撞撞的回到家..拨他的手机：您的电话已经为您转到语音信箱，请在嘟一声...。我挂了电话，打到他家，响了好久都没有人接，怎么会？全家移民吗？他仿佛是从这世界上消失了一样，没有一点痕迹。 　　他该不会另结新欢了吧？我开始胡思乱想，我找不到他..，正当我烦恼的时候，电话突然响了，是阿立打来的，他是梦伟的死党也是我的好友。 　　 　　

：喂，你还在干嘛啊？ 　

：什么？ 　　

：ㄚ伟在医院啦。 　　

：真的？他怎么了？ 　　

：没有啦，他在○○医院，就是你上次住的那一家。 　　

：我马上去。

我立刻用我出生以来最大的速度飙到那家医院，在医院看到了他****和妈妈，我向他们问了他在哪一间病房之后，就急忙的飞奔而去。

他躺在床上，眼睛看着我，没有说话，没有起床，一动也不动的。 　　　　 　　

：喂，你怎么了？为什么不通知我呢？

他没有回答我，只是一直用同样的眼神看着我。

：回答我啊，你为什么不说话？

他眼角留下了一滴泪，身体仿佛用了最大的力气，牵动着嘴角 　　

：...对不起...。说完，他闭上了眼睛。 　　

：喂，你别装了好不好，为什么要说对不起，我不要你说对不起啊，你起来 啊，回答我啊。

我哭倒在他床边，拉着他的衣服哭喊着：你为什么要说对不起，连说服我的理由都没有？我不会原谅你，你起来啊，你说对不起没有用啊，你不起来我这辈子都不会原谅你，我求求你....睁开眼睛啊...。 　　
这是他说的一百句对不起...一群医生和护士拉开我，开始抢救他，我全身没有力气再站起来，我的头脑一片空白，眼前一片漆黑..。 　　
他没有离开这个世界，只是我永远都无法触摸到他，但他有时也会在我的梦中出现，告诉我他过的好不好。 　　
他还是陪着我，还是活着，在我心里，他依然如昔，还是会笑着叫我咏熙，叫我老婆，只是..他不再对我说对不起了...。 　　
　　
过了几个月，他妈妈来找我，给了我一个盒子，里面装的，是一百张照片，每一张照片的背面，都写着它让我生气的事情。 　　
第一次对不起，老婆，我今天不是故意迟到的，我也知道理由很烂，但是我真的不忍心说实话，我在出门前突然心脏绞痛，但是我已经尽量赶了，原谅我好吗？第二次对不起?老婆，我.......... 　　
第三次对不起，老婆，我... 　　
................................ 　　
............................ 　　
................... 　　
................ 　　
........... 　　
......... 　　
..... 　　
第一百次对不起，老婆，我不是狠心要丢下你，只是上帝似乎不给我这个机会让我爱你一辈子，为你带上戒指，你是我第一个让我说对不起的女孩，也是我第一个想共度一生的女孩，原谅我不能给你幸福，我会化作天使，守护着你，看着你得到幸福，答应我，别哭，我不要看到你为了我憔悴流泪的样子，我爱你。bye 梦伟 　　
　　
我怎么可能不哭，你的要求太严苛了，最后一张照片，是他在医院理拍的，照片上他笑的很灿烂，他变的好瘦，脸色好苍白，但是他还是露出了笑容，拍这第
　　
一百张照片。 　　
　　
在他最虚弱罪痛苦的时候，我没有陪着他。 　　
对不起。 　　
我抱着他的照片，泪流不止！！

　　

愿天下所的情人.愿你们能珍惜眼前的人,不要失去后才懂得珍惜...不要让悲剧再次上演!

　　

在这个时刻，想你的心一样没变....

好想大声告诉你我有多么的想你，很想见到你...

你真的好残忍,为什么这么自私...

但, 这些都只能往内心里埋起来

因知道你不会回来了....

只能让一切沉淀下来...

何时我才能变回以前带有欢笑的我...

期待....

a normal day....

I m glad that last night i found 2 friends in orhestra besides marlene who brings me to there. One is playin cello,another one is playin violin. Hard to find a friend...Finally.... i always couldnt find a real friend. really appreaciate it. Cassandra & Ing Chie,thanks for being my friends..^^

Start from last night,have been pain of the tooth of wisdom.
tOday i cant really take my meals. It s really pain..>.<

Today i didnt do anything..just...facing the computer... & touch piano awhile..guess that tomorrow morning i have to practice hard,coz afternoon i have my lesson. Getting lazier...>.<

A short touching story

DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE THIS MUCH?
> A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a motorcycle...
> Girl: Slow down. Im scared.
> Guy: No this is fun.
> Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!
> Guy: Then tell me you love me.
> Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!
> Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
> Girl hugs him
> Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging me.
> In the paper the next day :( A motorcycle had crashed into a building
> because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one had
> survived.
> The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his brakes
> broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he had her say
> she loved him & felt her hug him one last time, then had her wear his
> helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would die.

Finally....

Break record!!!

Lol...i already 6 days dindt touched my com...woots!! & tat y i couldnt update my blog... As usual,the 1st thing i seacrh is facebook when i can online...and start checkin my farmville,cafe world,walls and comment..and...i wun forget to check his profile.. haiz... i had to admit that i really addicted to facebook..=.= All my photos,songs,important documents loss....All my memories photos gone...>.<

Last night,i was out of controlled again....my mood was down..and missing him a lot..i drop into my memories again..& i done a stupid thing..i msg him n told him how much i miss him.. bt the conclusion stil the same,he didnt replied... lol..sometimes really feel myself like a stupid. now i truly understand the feeling of waiting without knowing what that person thking about is so hard... I m really...tired......& miss him a lot... After u had read tiz,u sure ll feel that i m useless...

Lazyness...

i getting lazy than before... lazy to study..lazy to practice piano... haiz...if i keep like that,i cant imagine what colud happen..besides that,my piano teacher wants me to have my dip practical exam on aug next year... i really scared that i cant manage to prepare it well...and next year i have to sit for my stpm...hope i can mamge my time well & MOre disiplin...>.<

A worth camp i had....=)

Lol...thanks god.i have learnt a lot of thing through this camp. Thanks god for let me know that u always be there for me,and let me find back the heart for worship and only seeking for u..Lord,u are the only one who know us well,i m sorry that this few months i loss my track and forget i should concentrate on u.. Lord,thanks for everything. I know what i should do know...realy thanks a lot... It is ht eimt e for let me put down everything to continue move on. I know u ll always guide me and show what u want to prove to me... Well,through this camp,i also know that my immune system not as good as b4... because the last day i didnt play and have fun with them at camp permai,i just rest n sleep due to nt feeling well,should be say is 贫血..=.=.... Time stil moving on,while we should keep moving on too... Got to rest now,stil feel v dizzy...><

Santubong!!! Camp permai!!

Tomorrow i ll going to a church camp. 2 days one night...we had planned that we few gang dont wan sleep whole night..woots,dont know ll able tahan or not.. lol.. & we plan want to watch ri chu(opposite of sun set) ehh...suddenly forget what s the word..=.= sun rise? 2nd day we ll go to camp permai and play the NS stuff...
Finally... i m waiting it since the begining of the year because i can throw all the unhappy thing and enjoy in the camp. I hope through this camp,i can know what i should do for my next step.. pray that god can give me a clearer vision or tell me what should i do..coz i really dont know what should i do now... so miserable now... Studies,relationship stuff,weakness,confidence,and so on...haiz....now i have to just wait for god's answer... Wait PAtIENtlY...!!!!
10 more hours to the camp... wuhoo..finally....^^

A busy wednesday

Phew,i had made full use of today....today whole morning just stay at sunday school camp tp help them take care the kids and do jobs...Run here and there,feel like v blur..seriously,it really help me can temporarily stop thinking of him..Until 2pm,i straightly rush to chemistry tuition. I thought that i couldnt concentrated during tuition but already busyin whole morning,luckily i stil can..^^ Besides that,I found out that i managed to catch up chemistry without depends on others. It s a great thing. Well,feel very tired after finished tuition,although only 2 hours. Mayb i already keep busyin whole day... when reach home,then start practice piano,i try to let myself not to have free time to think about him,but seems like it failed... Lol..stupid.. Tonight i gonna to sleep early to recharge my energy.

真实?虚幻?

是不是爱得太真实?
真实到都不想放下了呢?
情绪和状况都非常的糟糕,
笑容也渐渐不见了,
要怎么找回了呢?
如果我告诉你我现在很想你,你会怎么回我呢?
还是会是一样的结果,不回我讯息呢....
我该怎么办...
真得很辛苦...
若真的有选择让我怎样忘记你，
我宁愿就这样失去记忆....

...

一切的思念都只能藏在心里，

没人能了解...

总觉得痛，

难以释怀.....

真的....

很不习惯一个人的空气....

Thunder shock

Just found out....he...gt a new one..if not wrong... Luking at few of his photos....he quite close with one gal...since i knew him so long,i think i gonna b right... Now..feel like v painful..can hear the cracking sound... feel wanna to cry..but...like no more tears le... feel so speechless..... So tired...who can help me? Please.....It is so.....painful.... Like cant breath anymore..no more oxygen for me...

...

FOcUS!!
CoNcEntrAtE!!!

Pray

Until

Something

Happen!!!

Dear Lord,i know that u never will leave me...

just let me focus on u..

concentrate on u!!

最幸福的事...

最幸福的事 --梁文音

你撑着雨伞 借我那次
已经足够我 记得一辈子
我懂后来你 不是不坚持
爱情本来就 没万无一失

泪水离开了 你的手指
那不如让它 流在这信纸
我想女孩子 最贴心的是
让爱的人选 结束的方式

我最幸福的事 当过你的天使
趁鼻酸能掩饰 让我们像当时拥抱最后一次
最幸福的事 吹蜡烛时你总为我许愿的手势
为挚爱的人 在左边心口保留位置 是最幸福的事

可惜爱不是 童话故事
不能够永远 依赖着王子
才慢慢认识 只剩两个字
我怎麽忍心 为难你解释

我最幸福的事 当过你的天使
趁鼻酸能掩饰 让我们像当时拥抱最后一次
最幸福的事 吹蜡烛时你总为我许愿的手势
为挚爱的人 在左边心口保留位置 是最幸福的事

那一阵子有你 美得不像现实
多高兴每一幕 都微笑着静止

我最幸福的事 牵着你的日子
一段爱从开始 直至分开我们都对彼此诚实
最幸福的事 对那片海用力大喊永远的样子
想得起的事 那天和你傻笑着认识
是最幸福的事

After hearing this song,made me think a lot..really feel v xing fu that have u in my life,at that moment,really let me feel really v happy,and getting more greedy of it...too bad..i cant...and ever became as your angel before...Lol..ever...pass le... it true that i let u have the final decision on it... i cant have any right of saying it.. mayb...this is the ending of the story.. In reality,there s no fairy tales... Now the most happiness moment is when i can immersed in happy memories... They all will store deeply in my heart forever... I still need some more times to let go... I dont know how long it takes,....i ll try my best... although keep failed...>.<
By the way, lilian,really appreciate of your comfort. After hearing what you had to say,I felt reasurred.xiong,thanks for praying for me. I do really need it a lot...



This is another song which means a lot to me...
我不是你想像那麼勇敢

Sweet Dream? Or Nightmare?

Why U ll appear in my dream? isist a sweet dream that u in my dream? Mayb is..but when awake form dream,is a nightmare... BAck to reality,i cant even talk or see u,i only can try to forget u and let go which i totally dont know how to... In my dream,i dreamed that i went to kl n look for u,and we together back again, really felt v happy and hope time could stopped at there.... But,i knew it couldnt. I scare i ll dont want to wake up..Luckily i quickly wake up from it but it was 6 .38am...i dont dare to sleep back again,coz i knw if i continue tat dream,i scare i will disappointed and raining again when back to reality... i hope i never had this dream,it made me feel even worse...all my mind is your face,your sound,your every action... Goshh...i try not to think about u,i try to stop myself from keep viewing your facebook everyday... but i failed... what should i do..i really try hard to let go... But...y i fail to do so...? why u can do it easily?I really got try my best... Today is the worst day i have... how do i walk out form it...

只有十句话，却看了十分钟

I think this is nice...share with u all...

第一句
如果我们之间有1000步的距离你只要跨出第1步
我就会朝你的方向走其余的999步

第二句
通常愿意留下来跟你争吵的人
才是真正爱你的人

第三句
付出真心　
才会得到真心
却也可能伤得彻底保持距离　
就能保护自己却也注定永远寂寞

第四句
有时候　不是对方不在乎你
而是你把对方看得太重

第五句
朋友就是把你看透了　
还能喜欢你的人

第六句
就算是believe　
中间也藏了一个lie

第七句
真正的好朋友
并不是在一起就有聊不完的话题
而是在一起　
就算不说话也不会感到尴尬

第八句
没有一百分的另一半
只有五十分的两个人

第九句
为你的难过而快乐的　是敌人
为你的快乐而快乐的　是朋友
为你的难过而难过的
就是那些　该放进心里的人

第十句
冷漠　有时候并不是无情
只是一种避免被伤害的工具

原 來 很 簡 單‏

有個小孩對母親說：「媽媽你今天好漂亮。」母親回答：「為什麼。」小孩說「因為媽媽今天都沒有生氣。」 >>原來要擁有漂亮很簡單，只要不生氣就可以了。

有一個網球教練對學生說：「如果一個網球掉進草堆裏，應該如何找？」 有人答：「從草堆中心線開始找。」有人答：「從草堆的最凹處開始找。」有人答：「從草最長的地方開始找。」教練宣布正確答案：「按部就班的從草地的一頭，搜尋到草地的另一。」
>>原來尋找成功的方法很簡單，從一數到十不要跳過就可以了。

住在田邊的青蛙對住在路邊的青蛙說：「你這裡太危險，搬來跟我住吧！」路邊的青蛙說：「我已經習慣了，懶得搬了。」幾天後，田邊的青蛙去探望路邊的青蛙，卻發現他已被車子壓死，暴屍在馬路上。
>>原來掌握命運的方法很簡單，遠離懶惰就可以了。

有一隻小雞破殼而出的時候，剛好有隻烏龜經過，從此以後小雞就背著蛋殼過一生。
>>原來脫離沉重的負荷很簡單，放棄固執成見就可以了。

有幾個小孩很想當天使，上帝給他們一人一個燭臺，叫他們要保持光亮，結果一天兩天過去了，上帝都沒來，所有小孩已不再擦拭那燭臺，有一天上帝突然造訪，每個人的燭臺都蒙上厚厚的灰塵，只有一個小孩大家都叫他笨小孩，因為上帝沒來，他也每天都擦拭，結果這個笨小孩成了天使。
>>原來當天使很簡單，只要實實在在去做就可以了

有一支掏金隊伍在沙漠中行走，大家都步伐沉重，痛苦不堪，只有一人快樂的走著，別人問：「你為何如此愜意？」他笑著：「因為我帶的東西最少。 」
>>原來快樂很簡單，擁有少一點就可以了。

Tired....

I dont want myself keep emo...I hope i can find back my smile and be a strong gal...but..why! why u want to turn me become like tiz..i really v tired...i dun to b emo again...I know u wont come back and me..but..y i still want to put a small little hope on waitin u back..honestly..i havent let go,i knw i still keep waiting although i knw i shudnt...why human being so "mao tun"..why..... u are the 1st one who let me cried so many times.. I hate myself being like this,i hate myself keep disturbing my friends, Ihate myself keep telling same problem to my friend.... Isit i used to it? then i how long i nid to change this habbit... Who can answer me this....

沒有你,我活得下去嗎? 能~
沒有你,我都活了這么久了~
只是......習慣了有你的陪伴要怎么改?
习惯了有你的日子要怎样放下....

HAPpy BIRthDay!!!

Lol...today really v happy..and i realised that i really gt a lot of friends in my life and care about me a lot...really appreaciate of it... I received 6 presents,2 birthday cards and ate 2 birthday cake.. I felt v happy and satisfied when i see my facebook full of greeting from my friends.. lol...dont know y..i had celebrated my birthday with 3 group of friends(classmates,my gang, and my dancin's friends)..It really a happy and memorable birthday although i didnt got his greeting... nevermind le...luckily i also didnt had high expectation of it...
Thanks a lot!! & friends forever!!! ^^

Gathering with my gang at hart chicken.^^

My birthday present from my classmates

(& stil have a cute doggy)

All my school's friends greeting..^^

Almost!!! 11.58pm

Lol..2 more mins then i ll turn into 18 years old... haha.. and start received greeting from friends.. finally..this day is coming... dont know he ll greet me or not.. *KNOCK* Dont think about this.. change topic... Hope tomorrow i can pass through it happily...

this is the 1st present i recieve from friend,alex chin. although just the pic he drawn in msn,i stil feel appreciate to receive it.^^

Nice song lyrics

I wanna share 2 songs lyrics..They are nice and meaningfull...^^

Journey-Angela Chang
It's a long long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long long journey
I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know you'll be standing by my side
I know I will falter I know I will cry
It's a long long journey And
I need to be close to you
sometimes it feels no one understands
I don't even know why I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through
Cause It's a long long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
Coz it's a long long journey
Till i find my way home to u..


没有你的日子我真的好孤单
走一个人走
走得累了心却碎了
爱一个人爱
爱得哭了哭得倦了
路上行人在穿梭
伤了心的人究竟有几个
耳旁的恋人都在唱歌
可我的爱到底剩下什么
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
所有的心碎全与我相伴
没有你的城市我真的好茫然
所有的快乐都与我无关
没有你的日子我真的好孤单
思念的痛还在心里纠缠
没有你的城市我真的好迷乱
爱与不爱都已经太晚
回头太难

New Generation

Today is sunday..^^...as usual,i went to church service in the morning. Afternoon,i skipped my orhestra practice(=.=) and went to youth which i already long time didnt go..honestly...really change a lot... So zun,today happened a lot of thing that i never ever think of it ll happened.... today i got a bit became a teacher. Through what problem they having,i realised that what their mind thinkin is totally different with us.. Mayb is new generation meet different problem and situation. Or mayb nowadays teenagers have more relax and have more comfortable life.. Their problem getting more serious than us.& They dont even care or mind what they should do as a christian. I not saying that i m v good,just i got try to become better...Really hope that they can pray and rely on god more...and have a closer relationship with god. The most shocked thing is they dont even memorise 团训...some of them dont even know of it... *disappointed* haiz...


不可叫人小看你年轻，总要在言语，行为，爱心，信心，清洁上都作信徒的榜样。
提摩太前书4：12

Few questions that make u think hard...

Do u ever think before that what do u live for? Why do u exist in this world?
lol..try to think about it..i m sure everyone got diff answer... this is chia hin asked me..which i never thought about it before.. just take your time to think about.
Attention!! 4 more days to go...my 18th birthday is coming soon..^^

Lol..today was fun..i went out with my classmates...we went to sing karaoke whole afternoon at Absolute. we had lots of fun and joy at there. We sang a lot of songs,include keranamu,new year song & so on...besides that, my classmates sang 2 songs which were jay chou's songs..and they were.....related to him..really made me remember a lot of things... U really influenced me a lot.. Now i have to really get rid of it.. Life still have to go on.. & thanks for giving me so much memories... I wonder how many times i need to say goodbye to u... I have all of my friends who are the angels gv to me by god,accompany with me along my life,along my way... I wan say thank u to all my friends..thanks for being my friends..i really appreciate it...^^

Granpa,goodbye....

this is the last time....i called u granpa..thanks for giving me so much sweet memories.I wont forget about it... I ll try hard not to think about u again since we impossible to get back...I m admit is tough..but....i know i can... Mayb after few years later,i m proud of myself for doing this... There s no u turn in our lives,only can keep walking & facing new challenges. this is the challenges that god gives to me..i have to solve it by myself.I know sometimes still will miss u a lot,but I ll treat myself good & let u know that i can survive & live happily without u!!! I sure can just need time to prove it! No matter it takes how long is it... I hope this is the last time i say goodbye to u although i nt really sure about this...

抓不住的幸福

抓不住的幸福...

幸福是不是离我们很遥远，为什么常抓不住，渐渐得离得更远...
弄得自己满身伤痕，明知道跌倒就要站起来，但...却站不起来...
想要过没有你的生活原来这么困难，脑子里的每一幕都有你的影子，
明知道这样狠傻，但是却宁愿变成这样...
地球还是一样转动，日子还是一样的过，
但是...
为什么人的记忆还会想起以前的事，
回忆是间好的东西吗?
为什么我宁愿失去记忆也不想回想起...
突然不知道该怎么办,真得很痛苦....
很想找你...
但知道你已经不理我了...
我知道要鼓起勇气，狠下心的放弃了...
但有谁告诉我要去哪里找这份勇气.......
真得....很累了......
为什么要怎样痛苦.....

Stress...

STRESS!!!

Whole afternoon i having my piano and cello lesson... There was happened something which could said good....but..also could said was bad... I m taking my diploma piano for practical for this 2 years..hmm...already about a month & changed to a new teacher,Mrs Law. Honestly,she quite pretty and likes to talk a lot...but,she gives me a feeling that i will scare of her and i will practice what she gives to me... The good thing is I dont dare to be lazy and everyday will touch piano constantly,make sure the pieces are perfectly play..=.= the bad thing is i cannot manage my time well between it and my studies... In my plan,i have to take my dip practical exam by next year which is same with year with my stpm so that i can apply music at usm...
Today,Mr.Law praising me that i got improvement and she told me that i have caught some skill for playing diploma pieces..Seriously,quite happy to heard that...^^ The bad thing is....she gave me more pieces... GOshhh...which mean i need to spend more time on practicing...and she told me that dip standard nt cin cal lai de ar,nt like grade 8 le...Lol...getting more and more..getting more challenging than before...Mrs Liaw(my previous piano teacher) told me that actually i should sit in front of piano at least 3 hours per day...O.O... I think i need to manage my time well...I admit that i not good in anti stress..I think this is what god wants me to learn from...
Usshh! I knw i can do it!!!

errrr...mayb...=.=...

lol...i ll try my best...^^

This pic is taken on the last day i went to my grade 8 piano theory class.Miss the days a lot... YEar 2008

Get away from me..

Man...headache,fever come and find me again...I already long time didnt fall sick.. My friend told me that isnt my immune system updated...Lol..mayb... haiz...today i already didnt went o school.. Just now went o biology tuition,only 2 and half hours then feel more dizzy again... Tomorrow i guess i ll nt go sch again..which mean i cant sit for my Muet speaking test.. Haven told my parents yet...=.= now feeling my head is very heavy and dizzy... 10 nov i been booked by ying fang them...Lol...going to eat dinner with them at hawk chicken(I think i spell wrong=.=) thanks for remembering my birthday..
Guess...i need to go bed... Good night everyone...
Att: 8 more days to go...

A lonely sunday...

Today i just go church as usual...but..feel like missing something...All my best friends already gone overseas study,some busy their study thing.. Getting to harder to see them..I really miss them a lot..haiz...Hope u all can come back...
Afternoon,i went for my orhestra practice...woots,we are going to perform on 17 & 18 Dec at spring & cold storage. And the pieces is nice which called holiday salute..It combine all the christmas songs together.& i love it. too bad,i havent get the pieces yet..just sight read..=.=...
aftertat,i went out with my dancing friends.i already about 2 months didnt went out with them.. Lol,they stil the same...& talked a lot of thing with xiang..He reali was a nice bro,always care of me a lot.. just now I already told them about my plan..maybe i wont dancing anymore because i hv found out that i have to focus on my studies and music if i wan to achieve my dream. Well,hopefully i can...
There s 9 more days to come...which mean my birthday is coming soon.Lol...so fast...my 18th birthday. But i cant feel any happiness or looking forward to it...chia hin asked me what i want for my birthday,i just answered him that i want to pass through it happily..This really is my answer,I really hope that i can pass through it happily & can have a day that without thinking of him... Just hope i can put down it...as what he wished for...
9th more days to go...

说好的幸福呢？

一天一天的过去，但是对你的思念没有减少反而增加了...已经控制自己了..但，还是没有效.. 听到周杰伦的说好幸福呢，不禁想起我们在一起的时光。真的不喜欢这样的结果。真得很痛，那是说好的幸福呢，怎么会变成这样...我们好不容易在一起，为什么说放就放，没有给我选择的余地...

当初说好的幸福是不是在你心中已成了泡沫，消失了，连我们的回忆也抛开了...只留下悲伤和痛苦给我呢，天天想着你最后对我说的话，你说不要等你，对比起，你最不想伤害的人是我，我们所经过的只剩回忆，你真得很想做回朋友，现在只想专心在你的事业上。心真得很痛但是我没有选择的余地。难道我真地会成为你的绊脚石吗？为什么要这样对我...也不给我等你的机会。心真得很痛，好像忘了怎么呼吸。好想自己骗自己说你会回来的，你会好一样的爱着我，但是，直到已经不可能了。也许我真的太认真了..常像个小孩一样向你撒娇，像你哭闹...习惯依赖着你，只有你懂我在想什么，你常迁就着我。当我问你愿意和我一起当基督徒，你回答我说如果这时我要的，你一定可以。那时真的很开心。是你叫我怎样真真的爱上一个人，但你没教我要怎样忘记一个人...是你叫我怎样想念一个人但是你没有教我怎样忘记他。你没有给我时间学会，就以为我会了。还记得我们一起喜欢为你写诗这首歌，还记得我们一起在学校的玩乐，还记得你陪我一起哭泣，还记得你常用你妈妈电话打给我，每晚我们聊到很迟，还记得你常生气我没有喝水，没有固定吃...有次生日，你还送了我一个大杯。还记得你的拥抱，还记得你的呵爱，还记得和你牵手的时候，还记得你为了我，把头发染黄色，就为了配合那时他们说你是naruto,我变成了hinata. 还真得很笨...还记得你常和我说你很想我，你常叫我ahma.... 怎么当我变习惯了，你就离开呢...

每当听到一些关于以前我们在一起的人，事，物....都会想到你，眼泪就控制不住地向落下...sushi king是你带我去的，scoops 是你带我去的，mbo是你带我去的，sceret recipi也是你带我去的，mcd 和star cineplex有着我们很多的回忆...我们最后去的一个地方是马中公园，过后你就回KL了. 是乎每一个地方都有你的影子，想躲也躲不了。我不想再去那些地方，不想再想起你，不想再让自己这样累，不想........ 面对朋友可以开开心心，可以转掉对你的思念。但当有空闲时，满脑子都是你... 现在只有我一个人面对着电脑，像小孩一样，泪一直地往下掉。就像小孩失去了父母，不知道该怎么办才好... 真得很累...那些爱过的感觉都太深刻，我都还记得，但是只剩下回忆陪伴着我，只剩下回忆的音乐盒还旋转着..不知何时我才能放下....
很要好的朋友叫我往后退一步就可以看得更远，但是怎么看都看得到你，视线都离不开你，好想知道你所有的事情。熊告诉我说，当你变成了单身，就像你还没开始两个人的生活的样子，但是还没开始，就已经有你的陪伴了。真让我不知该怎么办....丽娟告诉我说，不要控制自己不想你，要想就去想吧，因为当你也控制就越想....但是越想就越离不开，越放不下...
啊爸父，倾听我的祷告，帮助我，让我能够依靠你，让我不去想这些，靠着你的力量有勇气放开，照着你的道路行走。做主你的见证，主，帮我打开我的心结，我的烦恼...有更多美好的事等着我...

Blogger's lifE

What does a blogger do?
Besides keep updating their blog,keep it interesting,share their life to others...let them feel wad they feel...
For me,it s like my diary... after few years,u look back all the thing u gone through,i think it s worth. the worthful thing is u can share n remember all the memories that pass through in ur journey.. It s really a long long journey...This is just part of my journey... Mayb others not interested on wad i write, but the most important thing is day after day,year after year,we keep growing up...u will found out more precious thing in your life...
Friends is the guardian angel that god give to us..Really thank god that give me so much encouragement from angels... When i m down,they just beside me and share their ears and shoulder to me...Let me to rely on and forget all the unhappiness...
Ohya,today is alan's 18th birthday..Happy birthday to u..^^ You really is a nice and funny guy. really feel great can have u this friend.May god always shine your life...

Where can i find back my Self confidence?!

Dont judge people or teasing people as u like..
You might hurt them through your words or your attitude... this is what i learn and teach by Miss Sarah. She really is a good teacher although sometimes she quite fierce...hmm...Seriously when she talk about this,i feel quite touch because I know how it s feel when teasing someone...It really affect that people a lot..
When i m 14 years old,i already started play piano in church..but...i m not a good pianist that time..i always played a lot of wrong notes and didnt even know how to play chords..one day,a guy came to me and say :" haiyo...chords also dont know how to play,if i can play piano,i wont play like tat worse,so laoya...just the matter i already old.Play in sunday school cannot keep playin notes only..Need to play chords...Notes only use in choir..." Man....when i heard that...my heart really pain,and he talked this to me in front of my friends and cousin...I dont dare to cry in front of him..i m just smiling only..Afterthat i rushed to toilet and burst into tears... And cried about 2 hours...I keep praying and praying...I m know i lousy...My nervousness cover my eyes.. From that time...my self confidence getting less and less... Everytime when i see him,i ll remember what he said to me..In my mind,it keeps telling me that i cant do good,i cannot play well & nice... Till now...i loss my confident...
When i m doing thing,i cannot trust i can do well... when go in form 6, more terrible...it s really v stress and tired... Honestly,i really dont even think i can do well in my form 6... Getting emo n emo...Sometimes even feel wan to give up...
Lol...when miss sarah told us her story,i know how s feel..It s really feel hurt and affect a person a lot... And i wan to say sorry to wilson because i ever saying he s fat..but i really just kidding..>.< Because u never know what ll happen in future..u may become thinner than now or fatter than now...because i also can see few of this example happen around me...
Today.....i still miss him a lot..haiz...another to go...a day that dont hv you by my side... good luck everyone.. If found ur true love,dont let it go easily...>.<
Lol...ushh..add oil..

A boring day.....

Today really v v extremely boring& tired ...first three periods we didnt have any class....only muet,math1, and chemistry subject we have thing to do... ohya...last sun i just got the church performance photos from my friends...i do post some at here....It was fun..





19 September 2009(saturday)




My 2 pastors...^^




=.=..during performance




when finiz performance..

The days without you...

The days without u....this is the 4th week....
I m really not used to it..
really make me suffer a lot...
none of the day that my mind is without thinking of u..
I really miss u alot...
But,
no one know...just all keep inside my heart...
u say u want to concentrate on working,
and u say now u have your own dream to go on...
then why last time u still find me when u come back...
Why u want to give me those promises...
Why u want let me serious on it...
Why u want give me hope...
WhY.....
At last....
The thing i gain...
is sorry,dont wait for you...
I really dont want ur sorry...i just want u to come back..
lol...i know that s really impossible..
till now..i dont know how to put down...I still keep waiting...
Waiting u to come back...
I do really hope u r the one who god arrange to me...
I really do hope so...everyday i try to make myself busy & happy..
but my mind...like already addicted to miss u...
memories....sometimes is good,but..sometimes make me dont want to face to reality...
There s really so much of memories between me & you...consists of 4 years memory...
All the things arround me is related to u...
I tot i ll put down easily..
But...
mayb i stil need time...
Now i just try to put down,try hard to lock inside my heart...
dont let it run out again...
I know u want me to do that....
I will......

26 October 2009

Phew,this is the 1st time i write a blog...^^
hmm....today i just finish my test. Suddenly i felt tat there s really a lot of memories within this 18 years.. friends,family,relationship stuff... through all this,had let me grow up, become more mature. Sometimes...will feel tired and depress...but..life keep pushing us to move forward. It means we have no choice to stop at the start line there or step backward.. at this moment,a lot of memory burst ito my mind...Everything that happen around us sure got something want we to learn from... Now do really very lucky to have a lot of best fren & a sis that care me a lot.. Well,i also wan say thank u to xiong,yong hui jie, and adrian... thanks u for helping me to stand up when i fall down. I know that i really hyper super emotional, lol....I ll change it..i PROMISE!!
The biggest gap in your life is that between what you know and what you do."Ush...add oil!!
Ohya,share one more thing with u all...^^
*when loss of something is because god have a better plan on me & time is taken to prove tat so time is needed because tat s 4 me!* it s from xiong.